I've been thinking a lot lately about the past year of my life with my little Fenn. Something I didn't have the ability to do last year when we were going through all his surgeries and hospital visits, thinking only lead to all the thoughts I didn't want to allow myself to entertain. Now that I can think a bit more about it I'm not really sure how I made it through. I am so grateful for how successful the surgeries were, we were lucky to have the head surgeon to preform this new surgery on Fenn. It's scary to know its new, it may or may not work, but we couldn't ask for better results. Fenn is a happy, healthy, imaginative and funny 18 month old, like any other 18 month old that never had to feel the pain he felt. Music to my ears when strangers tell me you would never know he had any problems at all if I didn't tell them. His story is something I like to share, I am so proud of him, I also want to raise awareness about cranio. I am happy to talk someone's ear off if they let me about the struggles and successes. Everyday I kiss Fenn and tell him how much I love him, when I'm at work I miss him incredibly, so much it hurts sometimes. Since having to watch him go through something so awful it's always in the back of my mind that no one knows how long they have with the people they love. I will never forget that. I think I wonder about that more than most people but anyone who has a sick child, family member, friend etc probably wonders as much as I do and hopefully makes the best of every single moment they are blessed with that person they love. I am truly blessed, for every moment I can tell Fenn I love him, sit him on my knee and give him hugs, smell his hair, kiss his cheeks and all the times we laugh and play together. I wish these moments would never end though I know he will grow up and he won't always want to sit on my knee to cuddle. I breathe it all in, I can't explain how much so.
I am still thankful every day for all the support and love I received during Fenn's journey. It brought me closer to some and further away from others. I want you to know that I do pay it forward, I try to help when I can other families who are struggling. My heart is bigger than it has ever been, if Fenn hadn't grown it by a billion times already everyones support grew it even more.
I know a lot of you are not close enough anymore to see us so I will post some photos for you of Fenn so you can see how amazing his head is looking compared to last year.
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