Nearly one year since Fenn's second surgery

  I've been thinking a lot lately about the past year of my life with my little Fenn. Something I didn't have the ability to do last year when we were going through all his surgeries and hospital visits, thinking only lead to all the thoughts I didn't want to allow myself to entertain. Now that I can think a bit more about it I'm not really sure how I made it through. I am so grateful for how successful the surgeries were, we were lucky to have the head surgeon to preform this new surgery on Fenn. It's scary to know its new, it may or may not work, but we couldn't ask for better results. Fenn is a happy, healthy, imaginative and funny 18 month old, like any other 18 month old that never had to feel the pain he felt. Music to my ears when strangers tell me you would never know he had any problems at all if I didn't tell them. His story is something I like to share, I am so proud of him, I also want to raise awareness about cranio. I am happy to talk someone's ear off if they let me about the struggles and successes. Everyday I kiss Fenn and tell him how much I love him, when I'm at work I miss him incredibly, so much it hurts sometimes. Since having to watch him go through something so awful it's always in the back of my mind that no one knows how long they have with the people they love. I will never forget that. I think I wonder about that more than most people but anyone who has a sick child, family member, friend etc probably wonders as much as I do and hopefully makes the best of every single moment they are blessed with that person they love. I am truly blessed, for every moment I can tell Fenn I love him, sit him on my knee and give him hugs, smell his hair, kiss his cheeks and all the times we laugh and play together. I wish these moments would never end though I know he will grow up and he won't always want to sit on my knee to cuddle. I breathe it all in, I can't explain how much so.
  I am still thankful every day for all the support and love I received during Fenn's journey. It brought me closer to some and further away from others. I want you to know that I do pay it forward, I try to help when I can other families who are struggling. My heart is bigger than it has ever been, if Fenn hadn't grown it by a billion times already everyones support grew it even more.
  I know a lot of you are not close enough anymore to see us so I will post some photos for you of Fenn so you can see how amazing his head is looking compared to last year.

appointment coming soon

  I can't believe 6 months has passed since we stepped foot in Sick Kids Hospital after stepping into it so often for 10 months. This time next week Fenn and I will be in Toronto with daddy hopefully spending some quality time together. Its a short visit..so we need to make the best of it. So far no end in sight for us to be together at this point, makes me sad whenever I think about it. Fenn is accustomed to daily/nightly skype time with daddy and he gets pretty mad when he doesn't get it. It's becoming increasingly obvious to me that he really needs his dad to be around and it's been hard on all of us but unfortunately a necessary evil.
  Fenn is changing so much right now and every day he manages to become sweeter and sweeter which I'm sure all of you new moms can relate. It's a challenge, a blessing, a blast, a laugh, a unexplainable happiness everyday. I am so thankful when I think of last spring/summer/fall it seems like such a distant memory right now but it wasn't that long ago really. His head has healed really well, his hair grows a little strangely around the scar but I don't think it's that noticeable, his head is definitely still mishapen but so much better than it was or would have been if we had not have caught this on time. I have so much to be thankful for. I am really hoping for a positive outcome for  this appointment.  I've read alot of stories of parents taking their cranio kids back for several surgeries. I hope those two surgeries did the trick.

  Well I thought I'd just do a quick update and I will be updating after his appointment too. Send us positive thoughts :)

what a difference a year makes

  Seriously... what a year. I can't believe its been almost 8 months since Fenn's surgery, I can't believe Fenn is about to turn ONE! WOW! As special as having a baby is it feels like every moment is even more special after what he has been through. Every moment I have him is a moment to be thankful and enjoy all the funny little things in life that he brings to me. He is still meeting all his milestones and developing like any other baby. His head is gradually taking a more normal shape and I am finally seeing the effects of the surgery. His hair is growing in so you can hardly even see the scar (though I think its something to be proud of anyway).

  As most of you know we have settled in New Brunswick to be near my family and Fenn loves it. I am still not sure, but I am enjoying my job, even though I am finding it really difficult to remember things like I used to, learn new things and operate on little sleep. Also we moved into a smoke filled noisy apartment and Fenn and I have been sick since we got here. We are moving AGAIN, as tired as I am it's necessary and its not my ideal location but its a cute little house and the landlords seem great. I'm so looking forward to actually be settled somewhere and make it a home. Since Fenn was born this will be the third time we moved, too much!

  We have scheduled Fenn's 6 month check up at Sick Kids for May 10th, it will be an incredibly short visit, 2 days, I think this next appointment will give me even more peace of mind on his recovery. I felt more comfortable with him being looked at every week or two. It's weird but being at Sick Kids now gives me some sort of comfort, I feel safe there.

  Now that I am having time to reflect a bit on everything that has happened I just wanted to say thank you again to all the support we received over the summer and fall, it really made a difference in our lives. When I look at pictures from that time of Fenn I get the shivers, I have no idea how I survived it, but I do know that alot of it had to do with my family and friends. So thank you.

  Well I just wanted to give a quick update since I haven't updated for a long time. I'll try to  update again after his birthday party at the SPCA. So excited!!