Second Surgery and other things...

  Well I had an excellent start (though brief) to the week. My mom is here and the day after she arrived we drove down to Point Pelee for Mike's birthday with Fenn. Some might argue it was more of a trip for me due to the fall bird migration and monarch migration and they might be right! However, I feel well deserved after the summer I've had. Even though its a 4 hour drive each way I think we all appreciated the trip, the time in nature and on the beach exploring the National Park which is now my favourite. Fenn was a complete angel all the way there and for the entire day, loving being outside with his Granny, Mommy and Daddy. We got some amazing pictures and I spotted a couple more birds for my life list: a rose-breasted nuthatch (which I've been dying to see), a black and white warbler, Eastern Kingbird and a bunch of Semi-palmated Sandpipers.
 
Unfortunately the way home wasn't quite as pleasant. Fenn started crying so we pulled over on a country road and I took him out because I thought he needed to burp after having his bottle. That's when I noticed a yellowy pussy oozing coming from the distraction site that had gotten infected for the second time. He had been on anti biotics for a couple days already after calling in to the hospital about it but we were finding impossible to get him to swallow any of it. So in the car, 3 hours from Toronto, I called in to Sickkids to talk to the plastics doctor on call and he told us when we got home at 11pm we would need to come in. Luckily, I had started packing the suitcase for the hospital before we left in the morning, just in case. I guess moms just get those feelings... So we arrive home, I finish packing and we go in and they decide to admit Fenn to 8C until his surgery, so instead of one night, we end up staying 4 nights. Ugh. Many bloodtests and IV's pulled out later Fenn has his surgery on Tuesday, 2 hours late. Because of this he ended up not eating for 10 hours and it was hell. He screamed and cried and looked in my eyes like I was murdering him. It was so painful. My mom was in the corner crying and I was doing everything I could to keep back tears. Finally they took him in, this time much harder I guess because the first surgery he went in laughing and smiling and this time he didn't. The surgery seemed to go on forever and both Mike and I felt more nervous this time for some reason but eventually we go the news we wanted, Fenn was doing fine. I was very happy to have my bestest friend Sarah sit with us through part of the surgery. What was even longer was waiting until we could see him in recovery. He also seemed more swollen this time. I never want to see my baby laying limp in a hospital bed again. I've told Fenn this several times so he better comply!

  The evenings were very difficult for me because I was alone, Mike went home to sleep because there just isn't room there and its very uncomfortable. Also with all of the beeping and people coming in and out and Fenn being in pain it's pretty hard to get any sleep. When Fenn was hungry I would pick him up in one arm and pull the IV pole in the other hand, wheel him down to the kitchen and boil water, fill the bottles with the other hand. Being a mom has definately made me better at multi tasking. Then I would have to wait for my mom or Mike to arrive in the morning before I could shower or eat and this was always after the doctors visited at 7:00-8:00 am so I felt pretty gross. I would usually fall asleep around 3:00-4:00am after I could finally get Fenn off to sleep and then be woken up a few hours later, some nights I didn't even get that much sleep because after the surgery he was moaning alot and I couldn't leave his side because I was worried. Also we had the pleasure (sarcasm) of the drainage tubes this time and I found it harder to look at him with the fluids and blood draining from his head into these clear containers.

  We were very lucky to have one of Fenn's favourite nurses, Stephen, for THREE whole days! He's so good with babies and Fenn loves him. This time we had a much more positive experience with the nurses all round though, honourable mentions go to Trinette, Kimie and Simone. The last time one bad nurse ruined the experience. Everyone made Fenn comfortable and played with him. I think he actually likes the hospital because of all of the extra attention. Susy came to visit us from Oshawa and brought us awesome gifts of formula and diapers THANK YOU! and also, from our mom and baby group, Lisa and August stopped by for a quick hello after an appointment. It was nice to see people other than nurses!

  Overall, Fenn has had less pain medication this time and is recovering well. I think his biggest issue is wanting to have Granny in eyesight at ALL times. The day we brought him home he played and played and laughed and laughed and gave us the biggest smiles of all time. He was clearly happy to be home. Jackie came by and ordered us dinner and had some play time with Fenn too and that was great. I'm so glad I have such awesome people around us who love us and care for us.

Ok, wanted to share that update, no doubt I've left loads out but I'm exhausted and can write no more! I will post some pictures below as usual and sometime in the near future I will post before and after pictures. Please continue to pray or send positive thoughts, whatever it is you do for us as Fenn recovers.

 

why does it always get worse

  I can't understand it. Just when I think we've been through enough more happens. Maybe I'm feeling especially negative right now because I had a terrible day to start out with and it got continually worse. I think I have an ear infection and the whole side of my head hurts so that could be making me grumpy too, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to see what is going on.
  The car broke down while Mike was going to work tonight so he called CAA but they couldn't start it, they think the starter is gone. The car was given to us by Mike's parents a few years ago, not to complain about something that was free and we needed it, but it happens to be the worst year for Malibu's and according to my dad who sold them one of the worst cars (for make and year) ever made in history. For a free car I believe we have sunk (or should say my parents sunk) over $3000 in it since we have had it and its not even worth half of that. But since we cant afford a new car or a new old car we keep sinking the money in. We can't be without a car for the winter, not even for the fall really with all of Fenn's appointments. Now I am wondering how we will lug all of our stuff and Fenn to the hospital for his operation on Tuesday. I'm not being dramatic this has been the worst year of my life, now extending past a year and one thing after another after another after another keeps going wrong for us and I don't understand why we are 'those people' who just can't catch a break or get ahead.
  Not just here but things have continued to go wrong at the house in St.Catharines too and because we are landlord we have to put the tenants first which means we are last yet again. So instead of fixing the car we will be fixing the furnace there. We were forced to rent the house when the mortgage company imposed a $10,000 penalty for selling before the first 5 years were up, then we had to rent the house for less then it cost to keep it, let alone fix things. We have two more years of that left.
  I want to concentrate on Fenn right now, that's all I ever wanted. I have been robbed of my time with him essentially because of all the stress. I couldn't enjoy my pregnancy and with out EI I couldn't relax knowing we had some maternity leave pay coming in which puts extra stress on Mike. I resent our government more then words could ever express for the extra stress this has caused when I just want to worry about Fenn's health and getting him well again.
  I've already said more than I should, but I needed to get this out. Hoping the universe will back the .... off and let us be already.

ugh

I have this sick feeling again... I love Fenn so much, I wish he didn't have to go through this. I just want it to be over already and be able to move on.

One Week...Again

  The next couple weeks are going to be busy and plagued with doctors appointments again. We have a follow up on Wednesday at Sickkids and Thursday with anesthetics and another appt not yet booked with the pediatrician for pre op. We are only one week away from Fenn's next surgery. I thought it would be easier this time but it actually feels harder. I can't help but being scared knowing what he has to go through. This time they will take the screws and plates out and put dissolving plates in. We are really really hoping this is the last surgery he needs, however, I don't feel it went quite as planned. There are parts where his head hasn't appeared to make as much progress as the other and I don't know if this means anything or not. I have no idea what the next plan of action would be at that point. I know they said if it wasn't successful they would preform the more dangerous surgery, but I think it was successful enough to not do that. But heck, I'm not a plastic surgeon so I guess I don't really have any idea.

  Fenn had a terrible weekend, the last month or two has been pretty terrible anyway, it seems to get worse though. The older he gets the more he realizes the screws are in his head and today they are looking infected again. Because of this I find it increasingly harder to get any time to myself let alone time with any friends. Sadly, my only connection to the outside world is online. I did however squeeze in a surprise visit from my lovely and dear friend Myles last week. He took me for brunch, just me on my own, and it was so good to get out and have a conversation in my regular pitch of voice haha! We are back on quarantine now so we will be limiting visitors to almost zero until the surgery. My mom arrives on Saturday and for that we cannot wait. Fenn listens to her on the phone all the time and he gets so excited.

  Mike is out of work again in another month, the show he is working on is ending and there doesn't, as of yet, appear to be any more work. I have started an at home business with Discovery Toys to try and make up some of the difference but I doubt it will be a big enough difference... check it out here if you like www.discoverytoyslink.com/ksoconnor and if you are interested in hosting a party or becoming a rep let me know. Failing that it looks like I will be returning to work shortly after Fenn's surgery and Mike will be staying home and that's not ideal for many reasons.

  Fenn's crying, I'm out!